Clouds
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Unjust Cause.
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If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and they will call you a booby.
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Just Cause.
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Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit, greedy, pettifogging, knavish;
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but you shall descend to the Academy and run races beneath the sacred olives along with some modest compeer, crowned with white reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm.
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Just Cause.
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If you do these things which I say, and apply your mind to these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large hips, little lewdness.
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But if you practise what the youths of the present day do, you will have in the first place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness,
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a long psephism; and this deceiver will persuade you to consider everything that is base to be honourable, and what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this, he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus.
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Chorus.
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O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those days, in the times
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of former men! In reply, then, to these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has gained renown.
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Chorus.
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And it appears you have need of powerful arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and not incur laughter.
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Unjust Cause.
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And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have been called among the deep thinkers the worse cause on this very account, that I first contrived how
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to speak against both law and justice; and this art is worth more than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark how I will confute the system of education on which he relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not permit you to be washed with warm water.
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And yet, on what principle do you blame the warm baths?
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Just Cause.
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Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly.
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Unjust Cause.
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Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, and to have undergone most labours?
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Just Cause.
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I consider no man superior to Hercules.
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Unjust Cause.
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Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths? And yet, who was more valiant than he?
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Unjust Cause.
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You next find fault with their living in the market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad, Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return, then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they should.
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And again, he says they ought to be modest: two very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your words.
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Just Cause.
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To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword on account of it.
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Unjust Cause.
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A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no sword!
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Just Cause.
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And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his modesty.
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Unjust Cause.
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And then she went off and left him; for he was not lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night with.
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Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated. But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides). consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of how many pleasures you are about to be deprived—of women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments?
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Well, I will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature. You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught. You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance, laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make this reply to him,
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that you have done him no injury: and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome by love and women . And yet, how could you, who are a mortal, have greater power than a god?
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Just Cause.
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But what if he should suffer the radish through obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is not a blackguard?
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Unjust Cause.
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And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he suffer?
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Just Cause.
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Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than this?
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Unjust Cause.
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What then will you say if you be conquered by me in this?
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Just Cause.
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I will be silent: what else can I do?
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Just Cause.
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From the blackguards.
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Just Cause.
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From the blackguards.
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Just Cause.
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From the blackguards.
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Unjust Cause.
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What, then, do you see?
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Just Cause.
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We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods, receive my cloak, for I desert to you.
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Socrates.
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What then? whether do you wish to take and lead away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak?
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Strepsiades.
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Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that you train him properly; on the one side able for petty suits; but train his other jaw able for the more important causes.
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Socrates.
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Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a clever sophist.
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Strepsiades.
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Nay, rather, pale and wretched.
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Chorus.
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Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of these proceedings.
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Chorus.
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We wish to speak about the judges, what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but for the others afterward. And then we will protect the fruits, and the vines,
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so that neither drought afflict them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with such slings
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will we smite them. And if we see him making brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish rather to have been
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even in Egypt than to have judged badly.
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Strepsiades.
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The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is the Old and New.
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For every one to whom I happen to be indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me, having made his deposits against me; though I only ask what is moderate and just—My good sir, one part don’t take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the other part remit; they say that thus
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they will never get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at the thinking-shop.
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Boy, I say! Boy, boy!
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Strepsiades.
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The same to you. But first accept this present; for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause, which you just now brought forward.
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Socrates.
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He has learned it.
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Socrates.
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So that you can get clear off from whatever suit you please.
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Strepsiades.
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Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed the money?
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Socrates.
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Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present.
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Strepsiades.
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Then I will shout with a very loud
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shout: Ho! Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals, and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in this house,
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shining with a double-edged tongue, for my guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me.
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Socrates.
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assigned to Strepsiades in the the print.O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your father! Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides. Lo, here is the man!
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Strepsiades.
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O my dear, my dear!
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Socrates.
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Take your son and depart.
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Strepsiades.
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Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now, indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the place plainly appears, the what do you say? and the seeming
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to be injured when, I well know, you are injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you save me, since you have also ruined me.
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Phidippides.
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What, pray, do you fear?
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Phidippides.
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Why, is any day old and new?
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Strepsiades.
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Yes; on which they say that they will make their deposits against me.
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Phidippides.
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Then those that have made them will lose them; for it is not possible that two days can be one day.
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Strepsiades.
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Can not it?
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Strepsiades.
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And yet it is the law.
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Phidippides.
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The ancient Solon was by nature the commons’ friend.
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Strepsiades.
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This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and New.
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Phidippides.
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He therefore made the summons for two days, for the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the first of the month.
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Strepsiades.
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Why, pray, did he add the old day?
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that they might be worried on the morning of the new moon.
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Strepsiades.
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Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New?
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Phidippides.
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They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as possible, on this account they have the first pick by one day.
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Strepsiades.
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Bravo! Ye wretches, why do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together, wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this my son,
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on account of our good fortune.
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Strepsiades.
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O happy Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends
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and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish to lead you in and entertain you.
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Pasias.
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Then, ought a man to throw away any part of his own property?
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Never! But it were better then at once to put away blushes, rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to my fellow-tribesman.
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But never, while I live, will I disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades.
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Pasias.
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For the Old and New.
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Pasias.
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For the twelve minae, which you received when you were buying the dapple-gray horse.
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Pasias.
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And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that you would repay it.
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Strepsiades.
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Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet know the irrefragable argument.
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Pasias.
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And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the debt?
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Strepsiades.
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Why, what good should I get else from his instruction?
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Pasias.
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And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of the gods?
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Pasias.
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Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune.
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Pasias.
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Then may you perish some day for your impudence!
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Strepsiades.
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This man would be the better for it if he were cleansed by rubbing with salt.
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Pasias.
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Ah me, how you deride me!
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Pasias.
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By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall not do this to me with impunity!
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Pasias.
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You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you are going to repay me my money or not.
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Pasias.
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(to his summons-witness). What do you think he will do?
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Strepsiades.
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Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell me what is this?
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Strepsiades.
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And do you then ask me for your money, being such an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus, to any one who called the καρδόπη κάρδοπος.
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Pasias.
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Then won’t you pay me?
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Strepsiades.
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Then you will lose it besides, in addition to your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer this, because you named the kardopos floolishly.
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Amynias.
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Ah me! Ah me!