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LEONTICHUS

And tell us, Chenidas, how in the battle with the Galatians I rode out ahead of all the other cavalrymen on my white horse, and how the Galatians for all their courage were stricken with fear the moment they saw me, and not one of them stood his ground. On that occasion I hurled my lance like a javelin and sent it through the leader of their cavalry and his horse as well, and then turning against those of them that still offered concerted resistance—for there were a few still remaining who, instead of the phalanx, had now adopted a rectangular formation—turning against these, I drew my blade, and, charging with all my fury, knocked over half a dozen or so of their front rank by the onset of my horse, and, bringing my sword down on the head of one of their captains, I split it in two, helmet and all. The rest of you came up, Chenidas, a little later, when the enemy were already in flight.

CHENIDASYes, Leontichus, and when you fought in single combat with the satrap in Paphlagonia, wasn’t that another great exhibition of your prowess? LEONTICHUSThank you for reminding me of another not ignoble exploit. The satrap, a gigantic man, and reputed to excel all other warriors in heavy armour, despising the Greek forces, leapt out between the two armies and challenged all comers to offer him single combat. All our other officers were terrified, and that included even our General himself, though he’s a man of spirit. At the time, you know, we were under the command of Aristaechmus, the Aetolian, whose skill with the javelin is unrivalled, and I was still a mere colonel. I, however, acted boldly and shaking off my comrades who were holding me back through fear for me when they saw the barbarian resplendent in his golden armour, a mighty figure with fearsome crest, brandishing his lance—— CHENIDASI was another who was afraid on that occasion, Leontichus, and you know how I clung to you, begging you not to court danger ahead of us, for my life would not have been worth living, if you had been killed.

LEONTICHUSBut I acted boldly and advanced out there, wearing just as fine armour as the Paphlagonian, and encased in gold from head to toe just like him, so that a shout arose immediately, both from our men and from the barbarians, for they too recognised me by my shield in particular and by my spangles and my crest. Tell us, Chenidas, whom did they all think I resembled then? CHENIDASAchilles, of course, son of Peleus and Thetis. So distinguished was your helmet, so bright your purple, so resplendent your shield. LEONTICHUSWhen we met, the barbarian struck first, wounding me slightly by grazing me with his spear just above the knee, but I drove my lance through his shield, and penetrated right through to his chest. Then I rushed at him, lopped off his head with my blade without any difficulty, and returned, not only with his arms, but carrying his head fixed on my lance, and bathed in blood.

HYMNISStop, Leontichus. Your stories about yourself are repulsive and gruesome, and no girl would ever look again at a fellow who takes such pleasure in bloodshed, far less drink with him, or spend the night with him. So I’ll be off. LEONTICHUSI offer you double the money. HYMNISI couldn’t bear to sleep with a murderer. LEONTICHUSDon’t be afraid, Hymnis. These exploits are all over and happened in Paphlagonia; for the moment I’m at peace. HYMNISBut you’re unclean, and the blood dripped over you from his head, when you carried it on your spear. And then you expect me to embrace and kiss a fellow like that? May the Graces save me from that! He’s no better than the public executioner. LEONTICHUSBut, if you’d seen me in heavy armour, I’m sure you’d have fallen in love with me. HYMNISMerely to listen to you, Leontichus, makes me feel sick and shudder and imagine I see the ghosts and phantoms of those you butchered and particularly of that poor captain with his head split in two. What do you think would have happened if I’d seen the deed itself, and the blood, and the dead bodies lying there? I think I went faint as it was. I’ve never to this day even seen a cock being killed. LEONTICHUSAre you really so cowardly and poor-spirited, Hymnis? I thought you’d be delighted to hear my tale. HYMNISKeep such tales for the delight of any women of Lemnos or daughters of Danaus The woman of Lemnos and the daughters of Danaus were reputed to have murdered their husbands. you find; but I’m running away to mother, while it’s still daylight. And you’d better come with me, Grammis. Goodbye, bravest colonel, you murderer of as many as you choose.

LEONTICHUSStay, Hymnis, stay.—She’s gone. CHENIDASYes, Leontichus. You frightened the simple young girl by brandishing your plumes and recounting your incredible feats. I could see at once how pale she grew before you’d finished that story about the captain, and how she puckered her brow, and shivered when you said you’d split his head. LEONTICHUSI thought it would make me seem more attractive to her; but you helped to spoil things for me, Chenidas, by suggesting the single combat. CHENIDASWell, wasn’t I to help by adding my lies to yours, when I saw why you were boasting? But you made the story much too frightening. It was all very well for you to cut off the head of that poor Paphlagonian, but why did you go on to stick it on your spear, so that the blood poured over you?

LEONTICHUSThat was indeed repulsive, Chenidas; the tale we’d made up hadn’t been at all bad up till then! But be off with you and coax her into spending the night with me. CHENIDASAm I to say, then, that your whole story was a pack of lies, because you wished to appear a hero in her eyes? LEONTICHUSI’d be ashamed if you did. CHENIDASBut that’s the only way she’ll come. You’ve only two choices; you can either be hated and retain your reputation for valour, or you can spend the night with Hymnis and admit you’ve been lying. LEONTICHUSEither choice goes against the grain; but I choose Hymnis. So go, Chenidas, and tell her that I did He, but it wasn’t all lies.