Reader

CROESUS Pluto, we can’t stand having this Dog, Menippus, for our neighbour. So put him somewhere else, or we’ll move ourselves. PLUTO What harm does he do you as a fellow-shade? CROESUS Whenever we moan and groan at our memories of life above, Midas recalling his gold, Sardanapalus Assur-Bani-Pal. his great luxury, and I, Croesus, my treasures, he mocks and reviles us, calling us slaves and scum: sometimes he even disturbs our lamentations by singing. In short, he’s a pest. PLUTO What’s this they tell me, Menippus? MENIPPUS True enough, Pluto; I hate them; they’re low scoundrels, not content with having led bad lives, but even in death they remember their past and cling to it. That’s why I enjoy tormenting them. PLUTO You shouldn’t; they mourn great losses. MENIPPUS Are you a fool too, Pluto? Do you approve of their groanings? PLUTO Not at all, but I wouldn’t like you to be quarrelling.

MENIPPUS Even so, you lowest of the low from Lydia, Phrygia and Assyria, I’d have you know that I’ll never stop. Wherever you go, I’ll follow, tormenting you with my songs and mockery. CROESUS Isn’t this outrageous? MENIPPUS No, the outrageous thing was your behaviour, when you expected people to worship you, treated free men with contempt, and forgot all about death. That’s why you’re going to lament the loss of all those things. CROESUS Oh, ye gods, many and great possessions they were! MIDAS All my gold! SARDANAPALUS All my luxury! MENIPPUS Bravo, go on. You keep up your whimperings, and I’ll accompany you with song, with a string of “Know-Thyself” s for my refrain. That’s the proper accompaniment for such lamentations.