Reader

CRATES Diogenes, did you know Moerichus, the rich man, the millionaire from Corinth, who owned a fleet of merchant ships, and had a cousin called Aristeas, another rich man, who used to quote Homer and say, “You try to throw me, or let me try to throw you”? As Ajax said to Odysseus in the wrestling match. (Iliad, XXIII, 724.) DIOGENES Why, Crates? CRATES They were of an age and showering attentions each on the other for his property. They made no secret of their wills; Moerichus was leaving Aristeas master of all he had, if he died first, and Aristeas was doing the same for Moerichus. This was all down in black and white, and they tried to outdo each other with obsequious attentions, and not only the prophets, divining the future from stars or from dreams in the best Chaldaean tradition, but even the Delphic god himself would assign the victory first to Aristeas, and then to Moerichus, and the scales would dip in favour now of one, now of the other.

DIOGENES Well, what happened in the end? The story’s worth hearing. CRATES Both have died on one day, and the properties have passed on to Eunomius and Thrasycles, two relations who have never imagined things turning out thus. Their ship was halfway across from Sicyon to Cirrha, when a squall from the north-west caught her on the beam and capsized her.

DIOGENES And a good thing too! We never had such thoughts about each other, when we were alive. I never prayed for the death of Antisthenes, so that I could inherit his staff—though he had a very strong one that he had made for himself from the wild olive—nor did you, Crates, I imagine, wish that I should die and leave you my property, the tub and the bag with its two measures of lupines. CRATES No, I didn’t need any of these things; but neither did you, Diogenes. All that was needful you inherited from Antisthenes and I from you—things far more important and august than the Persian empire. DIOGENES What things do you mean? CRATES Wisdom, independence, truth, plain speaking, freedom. DIOGENES Good heavens, yes. I remember taking over these riches from Antisthenes, and leaving you them in still greater measure.

CRATES But no one else cared for wealth of this sort, or paid us attentions in the hope of inheriting it from us; it was gold on which they all had their eyes. DIOGENES Only to be expected; they had nowhere to put such a legacy from us. They were falling apart from rich living, and were like rotten purses; and so no sooner did one put wisdom or plain speech or truth into them, than it would fall out through a hole, for the bottom couldn’t hold it. It was just like what happens to those daughters of Danaus here, as they pour water into that jar full of holes. But their gold they would keep safe with teeth or nails or any means in their power. CRATES In consequence we shall retain our wealth even down here, but they will bring with them no more than an obol, and even that won’t go beyond the ferryman.