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Original / primary: Perseus Eng2
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ANTHRAX
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I’m just as you see me.
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LYCONIDES
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He’s a nine-day cookA nine-day cook: Congrio probably means to say that Anthrax is a cook who only gets employment on the Nundinae, when the influx of country-people into the city called the services of even the worst cooks into requisition, and the eaters were not of the most fastidious description. The Nundinae (so called from nonae, ninth, and dies, day) returned every eighth day, according to our mode of reckoning; but according to the Romans, who, in counting, reckoned both extreme, every ninth day, whence the name. On this day the country-people came into the city to sell their wares, make their purchases, hear the new laws read, and learn the news. By the Hortensian law, the Nundinae, which before were only feriae, or holidays, were made fasti, or court-days, that the country-people then in town might have their lawsuits determined. Lipsius thinks that reference is here made to the feast called novendiale, which was sometimes given to the poorer classes on the ninth day after the funeral of a person of affluence. Probably, the cooking of these banquets was not of the highest order; but the former seems the more probable explanation of the passage.; every ninth day
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he’s in the habit of going out to cook.
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ANTHRAX
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You, you three-lettered fellowThree-lettered fellow: Trium literarum homo; literally, man of three letters—F U R, thief.;
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do you abuse me, you thief?
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LYCONIDES
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To be sure I do, you trebly-distilled thief of thievesThief of thieves: Funtrifurcifer. Strictly speaking, the latter word signifies thief three times over..
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STROBILUS
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Now do you hold your tongue for the present, and, that lamb, whichever is the fatter of the two—
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LYCONIDES
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Very wellVery well: Congrio answers licet, by way of assent to Strobilus, thinking that he is asking him to take the fattest lamb, on which Strobilus gives him the leanest one. Hildyard suggests that Congrio fancies that Strobilus is asking which is the fattest cook, and not the fattest lamb, and accordingly says, Very well, thereby admitting that he is the fattest of the two. If there is any such wit intended in the passage, it is very recondite..
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STROBILUS
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Do you, Congrio,
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take that, and go in-doors there (pointing to EUCLIO’S house ; and (to a MUSIC-GIRL and some of the PEOPLE with provisions) do you follow him;
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the rest of you this way, to our house.
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LYCONIDES
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By my troth, you’ve made an unfair
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division; they’ve got the fattest lamb.
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STROBILUS
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But the fattest music-girl shall be given you then. Do you, therefore, go along with him, Phrygia Phrygia : Phrygia was an appropriate girl for a tibicina, music-girl, or female player on the flute, as that instrument was originally introduced from Phrygia, or Lydia, which adjoined it. Eleusium would probably derive her name from Eleusis in Attica, where the mysteries of Ceres were celebrated. Players on the tibiae were much in request on festive occasions, especially at weddings, as in the present instance. The tibicina were probably hired in the market-place, the same way as the cooks.. And do you, Eleusium, step in-doors here, to our house.
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LYCONIDES
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O you crafty Strobilus,
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have you pushed me off here upon this most miserly old fellow, where if I ask for anything, I may ask even to hoarseness before anything’s found me?
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STROBILUS
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’Tis very foolish, and ’tis thanklessly done, to do a service to you, when what you do goes for nothing.
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LYCONIDES
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But how so?
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STROBILUS
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Do you ask? In the first place then, there will be no confusion for you there in the house; if you want anything to use,
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bring it from your own home, don’t lose your trouble in asking for it. But here, at our house, there’s great confusion, and a large establishment— furniture, gold, garments, silver vessels. If anything’s lost here (as I know
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that you can easilyYou can easily: Facile, easily, seems a preferable reading to facere. If the latter reading is adopted, there are three consecutive verbs in the infinitive mood, which, even in the (occasionally) uncouth language of Plautus, sounds very uneuphoniously, Facere abstinere posse. keep hands off—if nothing’s in your way), they may say, The cooks have stolen it; seize them, bind them, beat them, thrust them in the dungeonIn the dungeon: Puteus here signifies the black hole or dungeon underground (called also ergastulum), where the refractory slaves were put in confinement.. Nothing of that sort will happen to you, inasmuch as there will be nothing for you to steal. Follow me this way.
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LYCONIDES
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I follow.
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STROBILUS
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Ho, there Staphyla, come out and open the door.
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STAPHYLA
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Who calls there?
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STROBILUS
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Strobilus.
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STAPHYLA
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What do you want?
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STROBILUS
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For you to take in these cooks, and this music-girl, and these provisions for the wedding. Megadorus bade me take these things to Euclio.
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STAPHYLA
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Are you about to make this wedding, Strobilus, in honor of CeresIn honor of Ceres: The old woman probably alludes to the Thesmophoria, where abstinence from wine was especially practised, and which were celebrated in a state of fasting and purification. Her question here tends to confirm the suspicion that she was more fond of the merum than the mixtum, reference to which has already been made?
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STROBILUS
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Why?
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STAPHYLA
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Because I don’t see any wine brought.
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STROBILUS
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Why, that will be brought just now, when he himself comes back from the market.
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STAPHYLA
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There’s no firewood here in our house.
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LYCONIDES
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There are the beams.
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STAPHYLA
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I’ faith, there are.
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LYCONIDES
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There is wood, then; don’t you be seeking it out of doors.
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STAPHYLA
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What, you unpurified fellowYou unpurified fellow: Impurate. You that are unpurified, in spite of your everlastingly stewing over the fire. She alludes, figuratively, to the process of smelting and purifying metals by the action of fire., although your business is with the fire,
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for the sake of a dinner, or of your own hire, do you request us to set our house on fire?
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LYCONIDES
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I don’t ask you.
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STROBILUS
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Take them in-doors.
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STAPHYLA
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Follow me.
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PYTHODICUS
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Mind you your business; I’ll step in and see what the cooks are doing, to observe whom, i’ faith, to-day it is a most laborious task.
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Unless I manage this one thing, for them to cook the dinner down in the dungeonIn the dungeon: By the use of the word puteus he may possibly mean the black hole or dungeon alluded to in l. 301, whence there was no means of agress but by being drawn up. He means to say that such a place will be the only one for preventing the cooks from thieving whatever comes in their way. The thievish propensities of the hired cooks are also referred to in the Pseudolus.; thence, when cooked, we might bring it up again in small baskets. But if they should eat belowShould eat below: He reflects that if they are put in the puteus to prevent their thieving, they may possibly revenge themselves by eating up the victuals as fast as they cook it. whatever they should cook, those above would go without their dinner, and those below have dined. But here am I chattering, as though I had no business,
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when there’s such a pack of thieves in the house.
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EUCLIO
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I wished at length to screw up my courage to-day, so as to enjoy myself at the wedding of my daughter. I come to the market, I enquire about fish; they tell me that it is dear, that lamb is dear, beef is dear,
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veal, large fishLarge fish: Cetus or cete properly signifies fish of the whale or dolphin kind; it perhaps means here simply the larger and coarser fish in use among the Romans, like plaice or codfish with us. He probably would not ask the price of pisciculi, or small fish, as their dearness would terrify him out of his wits., and pork, all of them are dear. And for this reason were they still dearer; I hadn’t the money. I came away thence in a rage, since I had nothing wherewithal to make a purchase; and thus did I baulkDid I baulk: Manum adire probably signified to kiss the hand to a person when expecting something more than that, and thereby to make a fool of him. He asked the prices of all the commodities, and probably chaffered about them, then kissed his hand to the dealers, and left the market without purchasing. Some think it alludes to a feint or baulk made in wrestling. all those rascals. Then I began to think with myself upon the road,
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If you are guilty of any extravagance on a festive day, you may be wanting on a common day, unless you are saving. After I disclosed this reasoning to my heart and appetite, my mind came over to my opinion, that I ought to give my daughter in marriage at as little expense as possible.
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Now I’ve bought a bit of frankincense, and these chaplets of flowers; these shall be placed upon the hearth for our household God, that he may grant a propitious marriage to my daughter. But what do I—? Do I behold my house open? There’s a noise, too, within; is it that I’m robbed, wretch that I am?
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LYCONIDES
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Seek of the neighbours a bigger potA bigger pot: Congrio is bawling out within doors for a bigger aula, pot or jar, to be brought for his cooking, on which the old hunck thinks that some thieves have discovered his own dear aula. if you can; this one’s too little, it can’t hold it.
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EUCLIO
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Woe to me! By my faith, I’m a dead man; the gold’s being carried off—my pot’s being looked for. I am certainly murdered, unless I make haste to run with all haste in-doors here! Apollo, prithee do assist and help me, whom thou hast already, before this, helped in such circumstances.
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Pierce with thine arrows the plunderers of my treasures. But am I delaying to run, before I perish outright.
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ANTHRAX
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Dromo, do you scale the fish. Do you, Machaerio, have the conger and the lamprey boned.
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I’m going to ask the loan of a baking-pan of our neighbour Congrio. You, if you are wise, will have that capon more smoothly picked for me than is a plucked play-actorA plucked play-actor: The actors, having to perform the parts of women and beardless youths, were obliged to remove superfluous hair from the face, which was effected vellendo, by plucking it out, whence the term volsus.. But what’s this clamour that’s arising here hard by? By my faith, the cooks, I do believe, are at their usual pranksAt their usual pranks: Faciunt officium suum. Literally are doing their duty. He says this ironically; on hearing the row going on in Euclio’s house, he supposes that the cooks are up to their old tricks of thieving and wrangling..
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I’ll run in-doors, lest there may be any disturbance here for me as well.
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LYCONIDES
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Beloved fellow-citizens, fellow-countrymen, inhabitants, neighbours, and all strangers, do make way for me to escape! Make all the streets clear! Never have I at any time, until this day, come to BacchantsTo Bacchants: The Bacchants, or frantic female worshippers of Bacchus, with their rites, have been alluded to in a Note at the commencement of the Bacchides., in a Bacchanalian den, to cook; so sadly have they mauled wretched me and my scullions with their sticks.
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I’m aching all over, and am utterly done for; that old fellow has so made a bruising schoolA bruising school: Literally, a Gymnasium. The Gymnasium was the place where vigorous exercise was taken; so Congrio means to say that Euclio has been taking exercise in basting his back. of me; and in such a fashion has he turned us all out of the house, myself and them, laden with sticks. Nowhere, in all the world, have I ever seen wood dealt out more plentifully. Alackaday! by my faith, to my misery, I’m done for; the Bacchanalian den is opening, here he comes. He’s following us. I know the thing I’ll do: that the master himselfThe master himself: By magister he probably means Euclio, whom he styles the master of the Gymnasium, whose duty it was to train the pupils in the various exercises. He says that his master has taught him a trick, namely, how to defend himself. which in the next Scene he threatens to do. has taught me.
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EUCLIO
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Come back! Where are you running to, now? Hold you!
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LYCONIDES
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Why are you crying out, you stupid?
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EUCLIO
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Because this instant I shall give your name to the Triumvirs To the Triumvirs: Trisviros. Though the scene is in Greece he refers to the Triumviri capitales, who were Roman magistrates. They took cognizance of capital crimes, and they apprehended criminals. In conjunction with the Aediles, they had to preserve the public peace, to prevent unlawful assemblies, and to enforce the payment of fines due to the state. They had also the care of the public prisons, and to them was entrusted the punishment of criminals. They had authority to inflict summary punishment upon the slaves and the lower orders, though, probably, not upon those who enjoyed the rights of Roman citizens..
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LYCONIDES
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Why?
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EUCLIO
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Because you’ve got a knife.
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LYCONIDES
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’Tis the proper thing for a cook.
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EUCLIO
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Why did you threaten me?
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LYCONIDES
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I think that it was badly managed, that I didn’t pierce your side with it.
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EUCLIO
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There’s not a person that’s living this day a greater rascal than you,
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nor one to whom designedly I would with greater pleasure cause a mischief.
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LYCONIDES
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I’ faith, thoughI’ faith, though: In Hildyard’s edition this and the next line are given to Euclio; but they seem much more likely to belong to Congrio, as we do not find that any person has beat Euclio with sticks, whereas Congrio has already complained of the rough usage he has experienced. you should hold your noise, really that’s quite clear; the thing itself is its own witness. As it is, I’m made softer by far with your sticks than any ballet-dancer. But what right have you to touch us, you beggarman? What’s the matter?
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EUCLIO
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Do you even ask me? Is it that I’ve done less than I ought to have done? Only let me—
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LYCONIDES
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Now, by my faith, at your great peril, if this head should feel it!
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EUCLIO
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Troth, I don’t know what may happen What may happen: Euclio is laughing at his ifs, which commence the saving-clause of all cowards. He does not care what Congrio will do but he knows that he has already made his head to feel it. hereafter; your head feels it just now! But what business, pray, had you in my house, in my absence, unless I had ordered you? I want to know that.
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LYCONIDES
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Hold your noise, then; because we came to cook for the wedding.
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EUCLIO
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Why the plague do you trouble yourself
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whether I eat meat raw or cooked, unless you are my tutorYou are my tutor: One of the duties of the paedagogus, or tutor of boys, would be to see that they did not eat unwholesome food..
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LYCONIDES
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I want to know if you will allow or not allow us to cook the dinner here?
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EUCLIO
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I, too, want to know whether my property will be safe in my house.
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LYCONIDES
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I only wish to carry the things away safe that I brought here! I don’t care for yours; should I be coveting your things?
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EUCLIO
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I understand; don’t teach me; I know.
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LYCONIDES
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What is it, on account of which you now hinder us from cooking the dinner here? What have we done? What have we said to you otherwise than you could wish?
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EUCLIO
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Do you even ask me, you rascally fellow? You who’ve been making a thoroughfare of every corner of my house, and the places under lock and key? If you had stopped by the fireside, where it was your business,
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you wouldn’t have had your head broken. It has been done for you deservedly! Therefore that you may now know my determination; if you come nearer to the door here, unless I order you, I’ll make you to be the most wretched of creatures. Do you now know my determination?
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LYCONIDES
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Where are you going? Come you back again!
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So may LavernaSo may Laverna: Laverna was a Goddess worshipped by the thievish fraternity at Rome, as their tutelar Divinity. Horace makes mention of her in his Epistles, B. 1, Ep. 16. love me well, I’ll expose you at once with loud abuse here before the house, if you don’t order my utensils to be restored to me! What shall I do now? Verily, by my faith, I came here with unlucky auspices; I was hired for a didrachm For a didrachm: Nummo. It has been remarked, in the Notes to the Pseudolus, that a nummus, or didrachm, of nearly twenty-pence of our money, was the wages of a good cook for a day’s employment. See the Pseudolus, ll. 800—810.; I stand in more need now of a surgeon than of wages.
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EUCLIO
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This, by my faith, wherever I shall go, really shall be with me, and with myself will I carry it,
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nor will I ever again entrust it to that place, for it to be in such great peril. (Speaking to CONGRIO and his SCULLIONS.) Now, then, go you all of you in the house, cooks and music-girls; introduce even, if you like, a whole company of hirelings Company of hirelings: Venalium may mean either slaves or hirelings; it does not much signify which, as the cooks, in this instance at least, were both. Having secured his money, Euclio does not care if a whole gang of thieves is admitted into his house, as there is nothing for them to steal.; cook, bustle, and hurry now at once just as much as you please.
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LYCONIDES
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O dear, I’m a ruined man.
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EUCLIO
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Be off! your labour was hired here, not your talk.
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LYCONIDES
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Harkye, old gentleman, for the beating, by my faith, I shall demand of you a recompense. I was hired a while ago to cook, and not to be basted.
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EUCLIO
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Proceed against me at law! Don’t be troublesome! Either cook the dinner, or away with you from the house to downright perdition!
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LYCONIDES
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Go there yourself then. (CONGRIO and the COOKS and MUSIC-GIRL go back into the house.)
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EUCLIO
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He’s gone. Immortal Gods! A poor man, who begins to have dealings or business with an opulent one, commences upon a rash undertaking! Thus, for instance, Megadorus who has pretended that, for the sake of honoring me, he sends these cooks hither, is plaguing unfortunate me in every way; for this reason has he sent them, that they might purloin this (putting his hand on the pot) from unfortunate me.
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Just as I might expect, even my dunghill-cock in-doors, that was bought with the old woman’s savingsWith the old woman’s savings: Ani peculiaris. Bought out of the peculium, or savings, of the old woman., had well nigh been the ruin of me; where this was buried, he began to scratch there all round about with his claws. What need of more words? So exasperated were my feelings, I took a stick, and knocked off the head of the cock—a thief caught in the act.
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I’ faith, I do believe that the cooks had promised a reward to the cock, if he should discover it; I took the opportunityTook the opportunity: Eximere ex manu manubrium, literally means, to take the handle out of the hand, and its figurative application is derived from the act of taking a sword out of the hand of a person who is about to use it. out of their hands, however. What need of many words? I had a regular battleA regular battle: Hildyard suggests that, in these words, there is probably a reference to some current saying or proverb. If such is the case, the saying so referred to has not come down to us. with the dunghill- cock. But see, my neighbour Megadorus is coming from the Forum. I can’t, then, venture to pass by him, but I must stop and speak to him.
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MEGADORUS
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I’ve communicated to many friends my design about this proposal; they speak in high terms of the daughter of Euclio. They say that it was discreetly done, and with great prudence. But, in my opinion, indeed, if the other richer men were to do the same, so as to take home as their wives, without dower, the daughters of the poorer persons,
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both the state would become much more united, and we should meet with less ill feeling than we now meet with; both, they, the wives, would stand in fear of punishment more than they do stand in fear of it, and we husbands should be at less expense than we now are.
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In the greater part of the people this is a most just way of thinking; in the smaller portion there is an objection among the avaricious, whose avaricious minds and insatiate dispositions there is neither law nor magistrate to be able to put a check upon. But a person may say this; How are these rich women with portions to marry, if this law is laid down for the poor?
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Let them marry whom they please, so long as the dowry isn’t their companion. If this were so done, the women would acquire for themselves better manners for them to bring, in place of dowry, than they now bring. I’d make mules, which exceed horses in price,
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to become cheaper than Gallic geldingsThan Gallic geldings: Mules were much coveted by the haughty names of Rome for the purpose of drawing their carriages. He says that if he had his way, such extravagance should not be encouraged, and mules should not be a bit more valuable than humble Gallic geldings..
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EUCLIO
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So may the Gods favour me, I listen to him with delight; very shrewdly has he discoursed on the side of economy.
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MEGADORUS
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No wife should then be saying: Indeed, I brought you a marriage-portion far greater than was your own wealth;
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why, it really is fair that purple and gold should be found for me, maid-servants, mules, muleteers, and lacqueysAnd lacqueys: Pedissequos. The pedissequi were a particular class of slaves whose duty it was to follow their master when he went out of doors. They were of the lowest rank in the slave family., pages to carryPages to carry: The salutigeruli pueri were boys whose business it was to run on errands, and carry messages and compliments from one house to another. Hildyard suggests the rather refined translation of boys to carry visiting-cards. compliments, vehicles in which I may be carried.
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EUCLIO
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How thoroughly he does understand the doings of the wives! I wish he were made Prefect of the manners of the women.