Epidicus
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Original / primary: Perseus Eng2
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PERIPHIANES
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I really pray the Gods it may be so.
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EPIDICUS
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You’ll obtain your prayer.
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APAECIDES
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Why then, don’t you go in-doors and bring the money out here? I’ll go visit the Forum. Epidicus, do you come thither.
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EPIDICUS
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Don’t you go away from there before I come to you.
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APAECIDES
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I’ll wait till then.
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PERIPHIANES
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Do you follow me in-doors.
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EPIDICUS
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Go and count it out; I’ll not detain you at all.
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EPIDICUS
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I do think that in the Attic land there is no spot of land so fertile as is this Periphanes of ours; why, from the locked and sealed-up money-chest I summon forth silver just as much as I please.
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But this, i’ troth, I am afraid of, that if the old man should come to know it, he’ll be making parasites of elm-twigs Parasites of elm-twigs: He alludes to the propensity of Parasites for devouring to the bone all who came in their way., to be shaving me quite clean. But one matter and consideration disturbs me—what music-girl, one that goes out on hire, I’m to show to Apaecides. (He muses.) And that as well I’ve got: this morning the old gentleman bade me
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bring for him on hire some music-girl to his house here, to sing for him while he was performing a sacrifice Performing a sacrifice: It was the custom, while private person were sacrificing to the Lares or household Gods, to have music performed upon the harp or the pipe.. She shall be hired, and be instructed beforehand in what way she’s to prove herself cunning towards the old man. I’ll away in-doors; I’ll get the money out of the swindled old fellow.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I’m distractedly in suspense and worn to the heart with waiting how the fair promises of Epidicus will turn out for me. I’ve been tormented too long. Whether there is to be anything, or whether there is not, I wish to know.
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CHAERIBULUS
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For all these resources you may still seek some other resources for yourself. For my part, I knew at the first, or the instant, that there was no help for you in him That there was no help for you in him: Nullam tibi esse in illo copiam..
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Upon my faith, I’m ruined!
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CHAERIBULUS
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You act absurdly in tormenting yourself in mind. By my troth, if I should catch him, I would never allow that slave of a fellow to be laughing at us with impunity.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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What can you expect him to do, you, who have such great wealth at home, and have not a coin of it, as you say, and have in yourself no resources for your friend?
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CHAERIBULUS
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I’ faith, if I had had it, I should have proffered it with pleasure; but something in some manner Something in some manner: This admirably shows how hard up the stingy Chaeribulus is for an excuse., in some way, in some direction, from some person, some hope I have for you, that there’ll be some good fortune for you to share with me.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Woe to you, you sneaking fellow You sneaking fellow: Murcide. Some editions have muricide, you mouse-killing fellow; a capital name for a sordid, miserable creature..
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CHAERIBULUS
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Why does it please you to abuse me?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Why, because you are prating to me about something in some manner, from somewhere or other, from some persons,
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that nowhere exists, and I won’t admit it to my ears. Of no more assistance are you unto me than he who never yet has been born.
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EPIDICUS
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You’ve done your duty then; it now befits me to do mine. Through this care of mine, you may be allowed to be at ease. (In a lower voice.) This, in fact, is now lost to you; don’t at all be setting your hopes on it. (Holding some of the coins in his hands.) How very shining it is! You only trust me for that.
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This way I’m going to act, this way my forefathers have acted before me. O ye immortal Gods, what a brilliant day you have bestowed upon me in this how propitious and how favourable to my requests! But why do I delay to take my departure hence, that I may bear this supply with lucky auspices to the colony To the colony: He means the house of Chaeribulus, which has just been peopled by his master.. I’m delaying while I’m standing here. But what means this? Before the house I see the two companions,
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my master and Chaeribulus. (Accosting them.) What are you doing? Take this, will you.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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How much is there in this?
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EPIDICUS
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As much as is enough, and more than enough; a superabundance; I’ve brought more by ten minae than you owe to the Banker. So long as I please and obey you, I value my own back at a straw.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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But why so?
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EPIDICUS
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Because I shall make your father a bag-murderer A bag- murderer: Perenticidam. A word coined by the author for the occasion, on account of its resemblance to parenticida, a parricide..
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STRATIPPOCLES
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What kind of expression is that?
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EPIDICUS
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I don’t at all care for your old-fashioned and every-day words; you chouse by purses full Chouse by purses full: Echard gives a particular meaning te this passage, and Warner seems to adopt his notion, which certainly seems farfetched. The former says, in a Note, Epidicus here carries on the fancy of perenticida, and parenticide, and the Poet has luckily hit upon a line that exactly agrees with either. For the common punishment of parricides was to put them into a sack with a cock, a serpent, and an ape, and then throw them into the river. Now the ward ductare signifies equally to bring a man into punishment, or to cheat him; so that the phrase peratim ductare is the same thing; only follis was a much larger sack than pera. M. Guiet considers this passage to be spurious., but I’ll chouse by bags full. For the procurer took away a whole lot of money for the music-girl (I paid it; with these hands I counted it out), her whom your father supposes to be his own daughter. Now, again, that your father may be deceived, and assistance be provided for you,
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I’ve discovered a method. In such a way have I persuaded the old gentleman—and had a talk to this effect, that, when you returned, you might not have possession of her Possession of her: Madame Dacier is of opinion that some lines are wanting here. Echard and Warner are also of that opinion.—
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Bravo!—bravo!
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EPIDICUS
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She’s now at your house She’s now at your house: That is, the first mistress of Stratippocles is at his father’s house personating the lost daughter. in place of her.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I understand.
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EPIDICUS
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Now he has given me Apaecides by way of guarantee in this matter (he’s waiting for me at the Forum), as if to seem the purchaser.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Not a bad precaution!
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EPIDICUS
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The cautious man’s now taken in himself;
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your own father himself placed this purse around my neck This purse around my neck: Purses containing large sums of money were generally slung round the neck by a string. See the Aulularia, l. 258 Asinaria, l. 661; and Truculentus, l. 648.. He’s making preparation, that immediately on your arrival home you shall be married.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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In one way only will he persuade me; if Orcus takes her away from me, who has been brought with me.
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EPIDICUS
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Now I’ve hit upon this scheme: I’ll go by myself alone to the procurer’s house; I’ll instruct him,
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if any one comes to him, to say that the money has been paid him for the music-girl; inasmuch as, the day before yesterday, I paid it down with my own hands for this mistress of yours, whom your father takes to be his own daughter. Then the procurer, unknowingly, will be staking his accursed head,
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as though he had received the money for her who has now been brought here together with you.
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CHAERIBULUS
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You are more versatile than a potter’s-wheel.
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EPIDICUS
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Now I’ll get ready some artful music-girl, who’s hired at a didrachm, to pretend that she has been purchased, and cleverly to trick the two old fellows: Apaecides, together with her, will bring her to your father.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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How adroitly managed!
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EPIDICUS
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Her, prepared beforehand with my devices, and provided with my schemes, I shall send to him. But I’m talking at too great length; you have delayed me too long: you now know these things how they are to be; I’ll be off.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Success attend you!
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CHAERIBULUS
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He is very clever at artful tricks.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Indeed, by his plans, he has saved me, that’s sure.
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CHAERIBULUS
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Let’s go hence into my house.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Yes, and a little more joyfully than I came out of your house, by the courage and conduct of Epidicus, do I return into camp with the spoil.
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PERIPHIANES
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Not only for the sake of the face were it right for men to have a mirror for themselves wherein to look at their faces; but one with which they might be enabled to examine the heart of discretion,
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and therefore be able to examine the resources of the mind; when they had looked in that, they might afterwards consider how they had once passed their lives in youth. Just as myself, for instance, who, for the sake of my son, began to torment myself in mind, as though my son
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had been guilty of some offence against, me, or as though my own misdeeds had not been most heavy in my youth. In truth, we old fellows are out of our senses sometimes. This, in my own opinion at least, has proved advantageous. But my friend Apaecides is coming with the spoil.
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I’m glad that the negotiator has returned safe.
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PERIPHIANES
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How goes it?
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APAECIDES
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The Gods and Goddesses are favouring you.
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PERIPHIANES
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The omen pleases me.
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APAECIDES
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A person with whom all things go on prosperously. But do you order her to be taken in-doors.
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PERIPHIANES
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Hallo there! come out of doors here, some one. (A SERVANT comes out.) Take that woman into the house!
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And, do you hear?
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SERVANT
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What do you desire?
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PERIPHIANES
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Take care you don’t permit this woman to associate with my daughter, or to see her. Now do you understand? I wish her to be shut up apart in that little chamber; there’s a great difference between the manners of a maiden and a courtesan.
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APAECIDES
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You speak cleverly and judiciously; each man cannot keep too strict a guard upon the chastity of his daughter.
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Upon my faith, we certainly did forestall this woman from your son just in time.
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PERIPHIANES
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Why so?
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APAECIDES
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Because another person told me that he had just seen your son here.
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PERIPHIANES
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I’ troth, he was stirring in this business.
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APAECIDES
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Upon my faith, it really is so, clearly.
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You really have a clever servant, and worth any price.
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PERIPHIANES
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At his weight in gold he would not be dear.
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APAECIDES
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Part of line 411 in Latin. How well he kept How well he kept: The cunning of Epidicus is admirably shown here. He pretends to the old man that they together are deceiving the Music-girl, while, in reality, he is imposing on the old man. that Music-girl quite in ignorance that she was purchased for you; so full of joke and fun did he bring her hither along with him.
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PERIPHIANES
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It’s wonderful how that could be managed.
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APAECIDES
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He said that you were going to offer a sacrifice at home for your son,
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because he had returned safe from Thebes.
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PERIPHIANES
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He hit upon the right thing.
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APAECIDES
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Yes, and he himself told her that she had been hired to assist you here in the sacrifice. He said that you were about to perform it, and that you had a sacrifice at home.
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But I then made pretence that I was ignorant, as it were, inasmuch as I made myself out half-witted Made myself out half-witted: This in his wisdom he pretended that she might not fancy that he was a cunning fellow, going to put a trick upon her, in combination with Epidicus..
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PERIPHIANES
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Why yes; it was right to do so.
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APAECIDES
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An important trial of a friend is going on at the Forum; I want to go as his advocate.
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PERIPHIANES
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Go, and when you have leisure, return to me mediately.
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APAECIDES
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I’ll be here just now.
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PERIPHIANES
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Nothing is there more opportune to man than a friend in need; without labour of your own, what you want is done nevertheless. If I had commissioned any one upon this business, a less skilful person, and less fitted for this matter, he would have been gulled; and so, grinning with his white teeth,
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my son would have most deservedly laughed at me.
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But who is this I see coming this way, that with his swaggering makes his scarf to be streaming in the wind?
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A CAPTAIN
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Take care not to pass by any house without asking where lives the old gentleman, Periphanes of Plothea Periphanes of Plothea: Plothenius. Most of the editions have here Plataenius of Plataea. As this was in Bœotia, the other is far more likely to be the right reading, Plothea being a Demus of Attica.. Take care that you don’t return to me without knowing it.
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PERIPHIANES
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Young man, if I point out to you the person whom you are in search of, what thanks shall I get of you?
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A CAPTAIN
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In arms, by the might of war, I’ve deserved that all people ought to give me thanks.
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PERIPHIANES
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You haven’t found out, young man, a tranquil spot
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where to recount your virtues as you wish; for, if an inferior vaunts his battles to a superior, by his lips they become soiled; but this Periphanes of Plothea whom you are seeking, I am he, if you want him for anything.
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A CAPTAIN
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Him, you mean, who in his youth
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among kings in arms, by his skill in war, gained vast wealth?
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PERIPHIANES
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Aye, if you were to hear of my achievements, drop ping your hands you would run off home.
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A CAPTAIN
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I’ faith, I’m rather in search of one to whom to speak of my own, than of one to be speaking of his to me.
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PERIPHIANES
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This is not the place for it.
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Do you then look out for another person, into whom to stuff your scraps of nonsense Your scraps of nonsense: Centones. These were properly patchwork tales, or poems, made up of scraps from various works..
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And yet this is folly, for me to impute that to him as a fault, which I myself used to do in my youth when I was a soldier; in recounting my battles I used to tear out men’s ears by the roots, when I had once begun.
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A CAPTAIN
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Lend your attention, that you may learn what I’ve come to you about. I’ve heard that you have purchased my mistress.
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PERIPHIANES
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Heyday! now at last I know who he is; the officer whom Epidicus was telling me about a short time since. (To the OFFICER.) Young man, it is
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as you say; I have purchased her.
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A CAPTAIN
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I want a few words with you, if it is not inconvenient to you.