Epidicus
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Original / primary: Perseus Eng2
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It’s best for a man in servitude to know more than he says; that’s true wisdom.
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THESPRIO
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On my faith, I don’t understand why you are alarmed. You are frightened, Epidicus; I see it by your countenance. You seem here, in my absence, to have got into some scrape or other.
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EPIDICUS
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Can’t you cease annoying me?
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THESPRIO
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I’ll be off.
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EPIDICUS
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Stand still; I’ll not let you go from here.
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THESPRIO
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Why do you hold me back?
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EPIDICUS
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Is he in love with her whom he has purchased out of the spoil?
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THESPRIO
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Do you ask me?
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He dotes to death upon her.
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EPIDICUS
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The hide will be stripped from off my back.
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THESPRIO
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He loves her, too, more than ever he loved you.
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EPIDICUS
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May Jupiter confound you!
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THESPRIO
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Let me go now; for he has forbidden me to go to our house; he ordered me to come here (pointing to the house) to our neighbour’s, Chaeribulus; there he bade me wait; he’s about to come there himself.
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EPIDICUS
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Why so?
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THESPRIO
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I’ll tell you;
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because he doesn’t wish to meet with or see his father, before he has paid down this money which is owing for her.
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EPIDICUS
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O dear! an involved business, i’ faith.
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THESPRIO
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Do let go of me, that I may now be off forthwith.
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EPIDICUS
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When the old gentleman knows this, our ship will fairly founder.
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THESPRIO
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What matters it to me in what way you come to your end?
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EPIDICUS
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Because I don’t wish to perish alone; I’d like you to perish with me, well-wisher with well-wisher.
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THESPRIO
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Away with you from me to utter and extreme perdition with those terms of yours!
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EPIDICUS
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Be off, then, if you are in great haste about anything.
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THESPRIO
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I never met with any person from whom I parted with greater pleasure.
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EPIDICUS
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He’s gone away from here; you are now alone. In what plight this matter is, you now see, Epidicus. Unless you have some resources in your own self, you are done for. Ruination so great is impending over you—unless you support yourself stoutly, you cannot hold up; to such a degree are mountains of misfortune threatening to tumble on you.
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Neither does any plan just now please me by means of which to find myself disengaged from my entanglement. To my misfortune, by my trickeries I have forced the old man to imagine that he was making purchase of his own daughter; whereas he has bought for his own son
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a music-girl whom he was fond of, and whom on his departure he commissioned me about. He now, to please his fancy, has brought another one from the army. I’ve lost my hide, for when the old man finds out that he has been played tricks with, he’ll be flaying my back with twigs. But still, do you take all precautions.
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That’s of no use! clearly this head of mine is addled! You are a worthless fellow, Epidicus. (In another tone.) What pleasure have you in being abusive? Because you are forsaking yourself. What am I to do? Do you ask me the question? Why you yourself, in former days, were wont to lend advice to others.
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Well, well; something must be found out. But why delay to go meet the young man, that I may know how the matter stands? And here he is himself. He is in a grave mood. He’s coming with Chaeribulus, his year’s-mate. I’ll step aside here, whence at my leisure I’ll follow their discourse.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I’ve told you all the matter, Chaeribulus, and
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I have fully disclosed to you the sum of my griefs and loves.
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CHAERIBULUS
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You are foolish, Stratippocles, beyond your age and lineage. Does it shame you, because you have bought a captive girl, born of good family, from among the spoil? Who will there be to impute it as a fault to you?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Through doing this, I’ve found that those who are envious are all enemies to me;
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but I’ve never offered Never offered violence: This is a very important passage, as it relieves the Audience from the apprehension they might otherwise feel in the Fifth Act, that Stratippocles had unconsciously been guilty of incest. or criminal assault against her chastity.
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CHAERIBULUS
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Then, so far, in my opinion at least, you are a still more deserving man, inasmuch as you are temperate in your passion.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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He effects nothing who consoles a desponding man with his words: he is a friend, who, in dubious circumstances, aids in deed when deeds are necessary.
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CHAERIBULUS
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What do you wish me to do?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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To lend me forty minae of silver,
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to be paid to the Banker from whom I borrowed it on interest.
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CHAERIBULUS
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On my word, if I had it, I would not deny you.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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What then does it signify your being bounteous in talk, if all aid in the matter If all aid in the matter: The same sentiment occurs in the Trinummus, l. 439. is dead outright.
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CHAERIBULUS
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Why faith, I myself am quite wearied and distracted with being dunned.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I had rather my friends of that sort were thrust into a furnace than into litigationInto litigation: Quam Foro. Literally, than in the Forum. He plays on the resemblance of the words furno, oven or furnace, and Foro, the Forum. He had rather see his friends dead outright, than worried by their creditors..
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But now I could wish to buy me the assistance of Epidicus at a weighty price, a fellow whom I’ll hand over well-liquored with stripes to the baker To the baker: For the purpose of taking his place at the hand-mill for grinding corn, which was probably done in the same building where the bread was baked, and was a most laborious operation., unless he this day finds me forty minae before I’ve mentioned to him the last syllable of the sum.
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EPIDICUS
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The matter’s all right; he promises well; he’ll keep faith, I trust.
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Without any expenditure of my own, an entertainment An entertainment: As already mentioned, symbola was a club entertainment, or pic-nic (in the original sense of the word), where each provided his own share of the provisions. is already provided for my shoulder-blades. I’ll accost the man. (He goes up to STRATIPPOCLES.) The servant Epidicus wishes health to his master Stratippocles, on his arrival from abroad.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Where is he?
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EPIDICUS
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Here he is; I’m delighted that you have returned safe.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I believe you as much in that as I do myself.
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EPIDICUS
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Have you been well all along?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I’ve been free from disease; in mind I’ve been ailing.
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EPIDICUS
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As regarded myself, I’ve taken care of what you entrusted to me; it has been obtained; the female captive has been bought, about which matter you were sending me letters so often.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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You’ve lost all your labour.
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EPIDICUS
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But why have I lost it?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Because she is not dear to my heart, nor does she please me.
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EPIDICUS
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What means it, then, that you gave me such strict injunctions, and sent letters to me?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Formerly I did love her; but now another passion influences my heart.
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EPIDICUS
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I’ faith, it is a shocking thing for that to be unpleasant for a man which you have managed well for him; where I’ve done well, I’ve in reality done ill, since love has shifted sides.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I wasn’t right in my mind when I sent those letters to you.
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EPIDICUS
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Is it proper that I should be the atonement for your folly,
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so as for you to substitute my back as the scape-goat As the scape-goat: Succidanea was a term applied to a victim, substituted in place of another which had not given favourable omens. for your folly?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Why are we making words about that? This man (pointing to himself) has need of forty minae, ready money, and in all haste, for him to pay a Banker, and speedily too.
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EPIDICUS
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Only tell me from what quarter you wish me to get them. From what banker am I to seek them?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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From where you like. But if I don’t finger them before sunset,
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don’t you enter my house; off with yourself to the mill.
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EPIDICUS
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You easily say that without risk and concern, and with a gay heart. I know our floggers; I feel the pain when I’m beaten.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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How say you now? Will you suffer me to destroy myself?
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EPIDICUS
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Don’t do that. I’ll cope with this peril and bold attempt in preference.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Now you please me; now do I commend you.
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EPIDICUS
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I’ll submit to this in any way that’s pleasing to you.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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What then is to be done about this music-girl?
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EPIDICUS
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Some method shall be found out; by some means I’ll disengage myself; some way I shall get extricated.
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STRATIPPOCLES
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You are full of scheming; I know you of old.
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EPIDICUS
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There is a rich Captain of Eubœa Captain of Eubœa: The Captain is elsewhere called a Rhodian. Probably it is meant that Rhodes was the place of his birth, and the island of Eubœa that of his residence., abounding in plenty of gold, who, when he knows that that one was bought for you, and that this other one has been brought here,
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will forthwith be entreating you, of his own accord, to transfer that other one to him. But where is she whom you have brought with you?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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I shall have her here just now.
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CHAERIBULUS
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What are we now doing here?
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STRATIPPOCLES
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Let’s go in-doors here at your house, that, for the present, we may pass this day merrily.
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EPIDICUS
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Go in-doors; I’ll now call I’ll now call: Echard’s adaptation of these two lines is so quaint, that it is worth transcribing. In the meantime must I have a committee of the whole house, to consider of ways and means for the raising supplies to carry on this vigorous war. a council in my heart to adopt measures about this money business,
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against whom, in especial, war is to be declared, and out of whom I’m to get the money. Epidicus, consider what you are to do; thus suddenly has this business been thrown upon you. But now you must not be slumbering, nor have you any leisure for delay. Now must you be daring! ’Tis my fixed determination to lay siege to the old man. I’ll go indoors; I’ll tell the young man, my master’s son,
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not to walk abroad here, or come anywhere in the way of the old gentleman.
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APAECIDES
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Mostly all menMostly all men: Apaecides has been talking in-doors with Periphanes about his supposed daughter who has lately come home, and is recommending him to atone to Philippa for his conduct to her, by marrying her. It is supposed that Terence had this passage in view in the Andria, l. 637-8. are ashamed when they have no occasion to be; when they ought to be ashamed, then does shame forsake them, when there’s a necessity for their being ashamed. That man, in fact, are you. What is there to be ashamed of
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in your bringing home a wife, poor, but born of good family? Especially her, whose daughter you say this girl is, who is at your house?
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PERIPHIANES
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I have some regard for my son Regard for my son: It was looked upon as a disgraceful thing for a father with grown-up sons to marry again, and thereby introduce a mother-in-law into his family. Apaecides blames Periphanes for this scruple, and hints to him that he ought not to be more ashamed on account of his son, than of his late wife, who, being dead, and for whom he had no hearty liking, could not make him blush at a second marriage..
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APAECIDES
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But, i’ faith, the wife whom you buried I thought you had felt some respect for;
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whose tomb as oft as you see, you straightway sacrifice victims to Orcus; and not without reason, in fact, since you’ve been allowed to get the better of her by surviving her.
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PERIPHIANES
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Ah me! I was a Hercules while she was with me; and, upon my faith, the sixth labour The sixth labour: The sixth labour of Hercules was his combat with the Amazons, when he took Antiope or Hippolyts, their queen, and carried off her girdle. was not more difficult to Hercules than the one that fell to my lot.
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APAECIDES
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I’ faith, money’s a handsome dowry.
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PERIPHIANES
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Troth, so it is, which isn’t encumbered with a wife.
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EPIDICUS
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Hist! hist! be silent, and have good courage; with a fair omen have I come out of doors, the bird upon the left hand Bird upon the left hand: Among the Romans the Augur looked to the South, having the East on his left hand, which was considered the auspicious quarter. The Greeks considered birds on the left hand an ill omen.. (Pointing to his head.) I’ve got a sharp knife, with which to embowel the old man’s purse;
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but see! here he is before the house of Apaecides, the two old fellows, just as I want. Now I shall change me into a leech, and suck out the blood of these who are called the pillars of the Senate.
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PERIPHIANES
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Let him be married at once.
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APAECIDES
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I approve of your design.
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PERIPHIANES
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For I’ve heard that he’s entangled with love with a certain music-girl, I don’t know who. At that I’m vexed to death.
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EPIDICUS
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By my troth, all the Deities do aid, amplify, and love me; really, these men themselves are pointing out to me the way by means of which I’m to get the money out of them. Now then, come, equip yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck (suiting the action to the word.)
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and pretend as though you had been in search of the man all the city over. On with it, if you are going to do it! (He hurries past the OLD MEN as though he didn’t see them, and calls out aloud.) Immortal Gods! I do wish I could meet with Periphanes at home, whom I’m tired with searching for all over the city, throughout the doctors’ shops, throughout the barbers’ shops, in the gymnasium, and in the Forum, at the perfumers’ shops and the butchers’ stalls Butchers’ stalls: Lanienas. Madame Dacier thinks that this means a place where arms were sold, and the lanistae, or gladiators exercised themselves., and round about the bankers’ shops.
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I’m become hoarse with enquiring; I’ve almost dropped down with running.
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PERIPHIANES
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Epidicus!
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EPIDICUS
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Who is it that’s calling Epidicus back?
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PERIPHIANES
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It’s I, Periphanes.