Truculentus
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Original / primary: Perseus Eng2
502b
502b
ASTAPHIUM
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Would you like me to accost the gentleman?
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PHRONESIUM
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I wish you.
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STRATOPHANES
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O delightful! Why, see, here’s Astaphium coming to meet me.
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ASTAPHIUM
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By all the powers! welcome to you, Stratophanes, that you’re safe arrived—
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STRATOPHANES
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I know it all. But, prithee, has Phronesium been brought to bed?
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ASTAPHIUM
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She has been delivered of a very fine boy.
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STRATOPHANES
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Is it like me at all?
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ASTAPHIUM
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Do you ask the question? Why, the moment it was born, it asked for a sabre and shield for itself.
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STRATOPHANES
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It’s my own; I know it at once from the proofs.
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ASTAPHIUM
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Indeed it is extremely like you.
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STRATOPHANES
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Ye Gods above! Is it of full growth already? Has it already chosen some army which it intends to plunder?
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ASTAPHIUM
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Why really, it was only born five days ago.
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STRATOPHANES
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What then, after it was born? After so many days, i’ faith, something really ought by this time to have been done. What business had it to leave the womb before it could go forth to battle?
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ASTAPHIUM
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Follow me, and wish her joy, and congratulate her.
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STRATOPHANES
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I follow.
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PHRONESIUM
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Prithee, where is she who has left me here and forsaken me?
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ASTAPHIUM
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I’m here; I’m bringing you Stratophanes, so much longed for by you.
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PHRONESIUM
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Prithee, where is he?
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STRATOPHANES
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Mars, on his arrival from abroad, salutes Neriene his spouseNerien his spouse: Aulus Gellius also mentions Neria, or Neriene as the wife of Mars.. Since you’ve well got over it, and since you’ve been blest with offspring, I congratulate you in that you have given birth to a great glory to me and to yourself.
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PHRONESIUM
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Welcome to you, you who have almost deprived me of life and light;
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and who have, for your own gratification, centred in my body the cause of great anguish, with the pangs of which I’m even now dreadfully afflicted.
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STRATOPHANES
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Well, well; not to your misfortune, my love, do these pains befall you. You’ve brought forth a son who’ll be filling your house with plunder.
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PHRONESIUM
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By the powers, there’s very much greater need to have our granaries well filled with wheat; lest, before he takes the plunder, hunger should be putting an end to us here.
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STRATOPHANES
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Be of good heart.
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PHRONESIUM
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Do, please, take a kiss from me here. I cannot lift up my head; such pain I’ve felt, and in such pain I now am; and I cannot as yet, of my own strength, walk upon my feet.
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STRATOPHANES
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If, right from the middle of the sea, you were to order me to take a kiss from you, I would not hesitate to fetch it, my sweet. You’ve experienced it already so to be; and now shall you experience it, my Phronesium,
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that I do dote upon you. (Pointing to a distance behind him.) See there, I’ve brought you two female slaves from Syria; I present you with them. (To a SERVANT behind him.) Do you bring those women this way. Now, these were both of them queens at their own homes; but with my own hand I laid waste their country, I present you with them.
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PHRONESIUM
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Are you dissatisfied with the number of female slaves I have already, that you must be still making additions to the number, to be devouring food for me?
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STRATOPHANES
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I’ troth, if this indeed isn’t acceptable to you, you boy (beckoning to the SERVANT), do you give me that bag. See here, my love, I’ve brought this mantle from PanchaeaFrom Panchaea: Panchaea was a district of Arabia Felix, which was said to produce frankincense. for you. Take it for yourself. (He presents it to her.)
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PHRONESIUM
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What, is so little as this to be given me in return for pain so great?
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STRATOPHANES
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I’ faith, to my misfortune, I’m undone! My son’s already costing me his weight in gold. (To PHRONESIUM.) Do you still set such little value on me? I’ve brought you a purple garment from SarraFrom Sarra: Sarra was a name of the city of Tyre, which was so called from the murex, or shell-fish, from which the Tyrian purple was extracted, and which, in the Phoenician language, was called by that name., and two pretty ones from Pontus. (Takes the garments from the SERVANT, and presents them.)
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Take this for yourself, my love. (To the SERVANT.) Take those Syrian women hence out of my sight. (The SERVANT takes them into the house.)
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Do you love me at all?
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PHRONESIUM
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Not at all, i’ faith; nor do you deserve it.
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STRATOPHANES
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What, is nothing enough for her? Really, to myself she hasn’t even said one word. I do believe that these presents would sell for more than twenty minae, which I have given her.
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Now she’s desperately enraged with me I perceive and understand it; but I’ll address her still. (To PHRONESIUM.) What say you then? Do you wish me, my love, to go to dinner where I was invited, and after that to return hither to your house to sleep? Why are you silent? (Aside.) I’ troth, beyond a doubt, I’m undone. But what fine affair is this?
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Who’s this fellow that’s leading such a long train? I’m resolved to watch whither they are taking it. It’s being brought to her, I do believe; but I’ll soon know more.
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GETA
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Get on, get on this way together with you, mules laden with money only to be squandered, you emptyers out of the house, you carriers off of property by waggon-loads! (To the AUDIENCE.) And can’t he who is in love do without being good for nought, and cleaning himself out by his disgraceful practices? But how I know this, don’t any one be asking that of me;
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we’ve a lover at home, who’s engaged in disgraceful pursuits; who esteems property just as dung: he’s in dread of the public officersThe public officers: Publicos, the public officers. He alludes to the Aediles, whose duty it was to see that the streets and houses were kept clean and free from nuisances.; most cleanly in his ways is he. He wishes his house to be cleaned out; whatever he has at home, it’s swept completely dehorsDehors: In the text, ἔζω. The Greek word is used just in the way we should employ the French word dehors, of like meaning.. Since he himself is sending his own self to ruin, for my part, i’ faith, I’ll help him by stealth,
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and not through my assistance, indeed, shall he be ruined e’en a bit the less speedily than he may. For now from these provisions, from the one mina I’ve just now abstracted five didrachms; I’ve deducted for myself the Herculean shareHerculean share: Herculaneam. The share of Hercules, which was the tithe or tenth. From this passage it is clear, beyond all doubt, that nummus means a didrachm, as he makes five of them the tenth part of a mina, which consisted of one hundred drachmae.. But this is just like as though a person should turn off a stream for himself from a river; if it is not turned off into a channel, still all that water would go into the sea.
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For this is going into the sea, and is being utterly wasted to no good purpose whatever. When I see these things going on, I pilfer, I purloin, from plunder I plunder take. I take a harlot to be just like what the sea is; what you give her she swallows down, and yet never overflows.
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But this at least the sea does preserve; what’s in it is seen. Give her as much as ever you please, it’s never seen either by the giver or the acceptor. For instance, this harlot by her blandishments has reduced my poor master to poverty; has robbed him of fortune, life, honor, and friends.
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(Catching sight of her.) Heyday! why look, she’s close by. I do think she has heard me saying all this. She’s pale, as she has been delivered of a child. I’ll address her, as though I didn’t know her. (Addressing PHRONESIUM.) I present you my respects.
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PHRONESIUM
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Our Geta, what is it you’re about? How are you?
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GETA
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I’m well, and I’m come to one who’s not so well, and I’m bringing something with which she may get well. My master, the apple of your eye, bade me bring these presents to you,
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which you see those persons carrying, and these five minae of silver.
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PHRONESIUM
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I’ faith, it’s not thrown away, that I’m so very fond of him.
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GETA
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He bade me beg that you would accept these in kind part.
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PHRONESIUM
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I’ troth, I do accept them kindly and thankfully. (To CYAMUS, who comes out of the house.) Go, Cyamus, and order them to be taken in-doors.
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Do you hear at all this which has been ordered? (The SERVANTS take up the things.)
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GETA
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I don’t want them to take away the vessels; I’d like to have them emptied.
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PHRONESIUM
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An impudent fellow, i’ faith, how busy he is.
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GETA
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What? do you say that I’m impudent, you who yourself are a receptacle of villany?
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PHRONESIUM
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Tell me, I beg of you, where is Dinarchus?
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GETA
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At home.
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PHRONESIUM
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Tell him, that, for these presents which he has sent me,
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I love him the most of all men, and that in return I hold him in the highest esteem of all, and entreat that he will come hither to me.
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GETA
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This instant. But who’s that person, pray (looking towards STRATOPHANES), that’s devouring himselfDevouring himself: Either he means, that, to judge from his looks, he is feeding upon his spleen; or else, the Captain is standing on one side, gnawing his finger-nails from vexation., scowling with malignant eyes I’ faith, the man’s distressed in his mind,
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whoever he is.
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PHRONESIUM
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I’ troth, he’s deserving of it.
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GETA
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What’s the matter?
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PHRONESIUM
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Prithee, don’t you know?Start of section begins on line 595b in the Latin. He that’s yonder used to live with me; he, there, is the father of my child. He ordered it to be brought up till about a before-daylight breakfastBefore-daylight breakfast: This passage is probably in a corrupt state. If it is not, her meaning seems to be, that the Captain didn’t care much about his child, but took care about its support for a very short period, and no longer. Perhaps, as jentaculum meant an early meal, taken before daylight, she may intend to hint that the Captain, on hearing of her pregnancy, interested himself in her offspring, and contributed to her support and that of the child in the embryo state; but that after it came to light, and required a meal (to speak figuratively), beyond the period of the jentaculum, he took no notice of it, but was ready to allow it to starve.. I waited his coming, I listened to his injunctions; I attended to the child.
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GETA
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The good-for-nothing fellow that I knew so well, prithee, is that he?
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PHRONESIUM
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That’s he.
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GETA
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He looks at me as he groans.
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He heaved a sigh from the very bottom of his breast. Observe that now; he gnashes his teeth; he strikes his thigh. Prithee, is he derangedIs he deranged: Hariolus. Literally, a soothsayer, or diviner. In their prophetic frenzy, these persons often had the appearance of being mad, and were so considered., that he’s beating his own self?
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STRATOPHANES
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Now will I at once summon up my ungovernable indignation and my wrath from my breast!
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(To GETA.) Say, whence are you? To whom do you belong? Why have you dared to speak rudely against me?
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GETA
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It’s my pleasure.
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STRATOPHANES
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Do you answer me in that way?
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GETA
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In this way (snaps his fingers); I don’t care one straw for you.
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STRATOPHANES
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What say you? Why have you dared to say that you love another man?
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PHRONESIUM
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I chose to.
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STRATOPHANES
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Say you so, indeed? I’ll first make trial of that. Do you, for the sake of such a shabby present,
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vegetables, and comestibles, and vinegar-water, bestow your love upon an effeminate, frizzle-pated, dark-haunt frequenting, drum-drubbing debaucheeDrum-drubbing debauchee: Typanotriba. Literally, drum, or tambourine beater. He alludes to the eunuch-priests of Cybele, who used to beat tambourines in her procession-probably in allusion to debauchees, emasculated by riot and dissipation., a fellow not worth a nutshell?
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GETA
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What new thing’s this? Do you dare, you rogue, to speak ill of my master, you spring-head of vice and perjury?
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STRATOPHANES
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Add a single word to that; by the powers, I’ll that instant here with this cut you up into mincemeat upon the spot.
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GETA
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Only touch me; I’ll that instant be making a lamb of you on the spot, and I’ll slice you asunder in the middle.
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If you have the renown of a warrior with your troops, still I’m a MarsA Mars: In the text Ares. This was the Greek name of Mars the God of War. in the kitchen.
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PHRONESIUM
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If you did the thing that’s right, you’d not be abusing my visitors, whose gifts I hold as acceptable and pleasing, and your own which I have received of you as unacceptable.
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STRATOPHANES
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Then, i’ faith, I’m both deprived of my presents and undone as well!
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GETA
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Clearly it is so.
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PHRONESIUM
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Why then are you now here, with your annoyance, who confess that you are worsted in every point?
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STRATOPHANES
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I’ faith, I’m this day undone, if I don’t drive this fellow away from you.
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GETA
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Only approach this way; only step this way!
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STRATOPHANES
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Scoundrelly fellow, threatening even? Whom this very, very, very instant I’ll be chopping up into splinters. What business have you coming here? What business have you to approach her? (Pointing to PHRONESIUM.) What business have you, I say, to be knowing my mistress? You shall die this instant if you make the slightest movement with your hand.
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GETA
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Why shouldn’t I move my hand?
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STRATOPHANES
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Do as I commanded; stop; I’ll this instant cut you up into mincemeat on the spot.
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GETA
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I’m done for.Part of line 626 in the Latin.
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STRATOPHANES
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’Twere best to be off.Part of line 626 in the Latin.
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GETA
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It’s a ticklish point; you have a longer sword there than this is (pointing to a knife in his girdle); but just let me go seek a spit, if indeed I must be having a battle with you. I’ll be off home. Warrior, for me and you I’ll choose an impartial judge.
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(Aside.) But why am I delaying to betake myself off hence, while with a safe inside I may?
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PHRONESIUM
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Give me my sandalsMy sandals: She gets up from the couch where she has been reclining before her house, and calls for her sandals. Sandals were generally worn by women alone, and the use of them in public by the other sex was regarded as effeminate. Cicero censures Verres and Clodius for wearing them., and take me at once in-doors; for my head aches shockingly from the air.
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STRATOPHANES
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What’s to become of me, to whom the two female slaves cause ache enough, with which I presented you? (PHRONESIUM is led into the house.) Are you off then? Well thus one’s used in return. How can you possibly shut me out. (The door is slammed to.)
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Prithee, can anything be more clear than that I’m now shut out? I’m finely fooled. Be it so. With how little difficulty (placing his foot against the door) might I now be persuaded to break the ankles of this entire mansion! Do the manners of covetous women change at all?
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Since she has brought forth a son, she has plucked her spirit up. Now it’s as though she said to me, I neither ask you nor forbid you to come into the house. But I won’t—I shan’t go—I’ll make her to be saying in a very few days that I’m a cruel man. (To his ATTENDANTS.) Follow me this way. A word’s enough.
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STRABAX
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One morning a short time since my father ordered me to go hence, to deal out the mast for food for the oxen. After I got there a person arrived at the farmhouse (so it pleased the Gods), who was owing money to my father, who had formerly purchased some Tarentine sheep of my father;
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he asked for my father; I said he was in the city; I enquired what he wanted with him. The fellow takes a purse from off his neck, and gives me twenty minae; with pleasure I receive them,
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and stow them in my purse; these bad sheepThese bad sheep: Perperas. Literally, worthless, as having no fleece on them. He is alluding to the common pun upon mina, the sum of money so denominated, and mina, the sheep that had no fleece on the belly and he calls the former by the latter appellation. See the Pseudolus, l. 329, and the Bacchides, l. 1129, and the Notes., the minae, have I brought in my purse hither to the city.
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By my troth, Mars has proved very angry with my father; for his sheep are not very far away from the wolvesFar away from the wolves: Still calling the money oves, sheep, he says that they are not far off from the wolves—alluding to Phronesium, for whom they were destined by him. The pun is improved by the fact that Courtesans were frequently termed lupae, she-wolves. He not improbably mentions Mars, because he was the father of Romuius and Remus, and might be supposed to be indebted to the she-wolf for suckling his children, when exposed by the order of Amulius.. Now, with this one stroke shall I send adrift those finical town gallants, and be bundling them all out of doors.